The clock is ticking… 
The clock strikes twelve and I gaze around, coolness seeps up through the ground.
Lightning rips through the sky, birds shriek and away they fly.
Salty tears pour down my cheeks, the sky rumbles and on it weeps.
I silently wail and feel for light, but that’s not to be found on this cold dark night.
Away from the scene my eyes tore, and there I collapse on the muddy grass floor.
Its a pretty emo poem...hehe
use inference!
i dont usually write poems so any feedback always helps (especially those regular poets like kittykat, miss candy, pim:P and spud. but all feedback is usefull!! thank you!
is the title better now?
the moral could be "make the most out of life, no matter what happens!
What do you think the moral could be?
COPYWRITE
9 comments:
ya the title doesnt mke sense try..
the clock has struck
i think its very effective, but i agree about the title needinG to be 'rethunkded' [SHorty word].
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!
[whoops - i shouted]
oooooooooooooooooh naughty naughty! hehe...lol. thank you for the feedback! how about "the clock is ticking" ?
yip but i dont see how the clock is the star of the poem,
plese check out and comment on my poem,
i think i can get some advice from u!
theres a new poem im talking about
beautifuly insperationaly marvoulously brilliant.
Just try using paragraphs.
83)
P.S. I really love your improved title!
Thank you!!!
Cool poem.
Cool poem! I wish that I could write as well as you!! Please give me advice!!!
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